This is a very in-depth “about me” as I am open, honest and transparent.
It is not a sob story, it is just brutally honest facts about me that answers things many people ask.
I’m Siren and I’m an English Twitch variety streamer who suffers from multiple chronic illnesses (full list below).
I have been gaming since I was a kid, many moons ago!
I started streaming in October 2019 after being unable to work due to my chronic illnesses and I am now stuck in the house 24/7 constantly as I barely ever leave the house other than for medical appointments that can’t be done over the phone.
I love streaming as I get to entertain others and speak to other people whilst streaming which I really enjoy!
I play pretty much all genres except most sport and platformers. You can find a list of current, complete and wanted games on my Trello.
I stream a variety of games when I get them and there are many games I would love to play.
I stream on PC but use a controller for games that require character movement due to severe chronic pain. I still use a keyboard and mouse for all games that do not require character movement such as strategy, simulation etc.
I stream from the only chair I have which is my a uncomfortable old wooden IKEA chair I use to sit in when I am not in bed! I don’t have the funds to get a new one.
Due to the severity of my chronic illnesses, I am unable to work so therefore I have no money and barely any income, so I can’t afford to by any games.
I sometimes get games from the companies to stream, free games or they are older games, then they are from when I was still working. I simply don’t have the funds to buy anything at all, let alone games.
This is why I can’t buy the latest games and have I have a wish list that never ends with games I would love to stream. I love showing new games if I get them and have many I would love to stream!
I stream as a way to speak to the outside world as I am housebound and don’t speak to anyone ever, plus as a way to raise extra money for food and living so I don’t have to struggle every single month like I do now.
I worry about food constantly, worrying if I can get a delivery slot that is cheap enough for me to afford, how much things cost, if I have enough food to get by on before I run out and things like that. I weigh my food to make sure I have a small enough amount to last.
Every single day is a struggle with health AND money.
I have no heating at all since October 2022 and won’t for the possibly years as energy costs are just too high and are going to keep going up due to the Russia/Ukraine war. I am housebound and stuck inside in this freezing cold every second of every day yet still unable to have the heating on even though it affects my health badly. It is horrible and almost unbearable. Been months since I had any heat and it is 4c-7c INDOORS which is almost unbearable.
Streaming is my only job that I can physically do and I would like to one day earn even just a few pounds a week so I can get any delivery slot and so I can have 3 meals a day instead of 1!
Health Issues
I will say now as no doubt some people will think I am just looking for sympathy, money or something, I am NOT at all!! I wanted to explain my conditions and situation here for those that want to know rather than using the miniscule amount of energy I have typing it all out again everytime. Plus typing also aggregates my pain so it hurts just typing as well so where I can take shortcuts like this, I will.
I suffer from chronic pain, chronic fatigue plus some other permanent incurable health issues.
One condition is very rare and no one has heard of it, only those who have it. Even doctors don’t know what it is unless they are a specialist.
I also have three positive autoimmune tests which may be new or early start of new and severe health issues. I am currently working with my doctor on getting these diagnosed.
The chronic pain and chronic fatigue are the two conditions that affect my life the most severely as they are constant and debilitating. I also have another that makes it incredibly painful just sitting which is bad when all I can do is sit due to my other debilitating conditions.
I have a doctors appointment every 3 weeks and have for a few years and will for the foreseeable future!
I am disabled and pretty much housebound due to the severity. Every day I am either in bed or sat in my only old and uncomfortable chair as I physically cannot do much else.
There is no cure for any of my chronic illnesses nor the other health issues I have and they will only get worse over time. The severity is already very much worse than it was before, and even much worse than a few weeks ago. I’ll never get better and won’t feel better soon. This is permanent which some people don’t seem to understand.
I write a chronic illness blog sometimes which takes me quite a while to do a post due to the pain and fatigue typing causes me. I post about my health issues there, my struggles and raise awareness.
I struggle to keep awake due to the chronic fatigue plus the painkillers and I am in constant severe pain all the time even with the strongest painkillers available.
I spend a lot of my day napping or laying down when not sat in my chair as I am so tired all the time and in so much pain that I often need to sleep. I often fall asleep when I don’t want to as well, as I struggle just keeping my eyes open.
I regularly have heat packs on for my pain and spend the day alternating between bed and sitting down as I just can’t do anything.
I can’t work as I am in so much pain, so exhausted, struggle to move, brain fog and need so much sleep and time laying down. I can’t type for more than a few mins at a time anymore which is hard especially as I used to do secretarial work and I now it take me days to write something due to the amount of pain and how it worsens my fatigue just typing.
Every second of the day I am fighting to keep awake and fighting to have the least amount of pain I can.
I have no money due to being unable to work, so cannot afford to go anywhere nor buy things I need for my health, mobility or entertainment. This can be very difficult seeing as there are things I need medically and for my health.
I live off a single disability benefit which sadly isn’t enough for anyone as it is around £300 total a month before any bills, which isn’t even enough for rent anywhere in the country so I am lucky to live here. I then have to pay for monthly prescriptions for my many medications and painkillers.
I have literally pennies a day for food which WAS a bowl of cereal and a hot dinner. No lunch, although since the cost of living crisis, it is now just 1 meal a day in total.
I spent 8 months speaking and emailing people such as DWP, my MP, people in parliament in Westminster and others trying to get more benefits but they won’t budge. When you tick all but one box on the requirements, even if you’re disabled and unable to work, you still don’t qualify!
No one will help. So lack of National Insurance contributions and living arrangements all impact my eligibility which leaves me with almost nothing. I don’t have the money to buy anything.
There is nothing else I can do about it sadly.
I do struggle both financially and physically a lot.
Some people ask “why don’t you stream daily, you are in the house every day”, well I physically can’t!
It takes me at the very least 42 hours to recover from a single stream so I stream as much as I physically am able to so am unable to do anymore than I do now. 3 times a week is the maximum as I need the days in between to recover.
Streaming makes my pain and fatigue 1000 times worse and usually get a headache or migraine after every single stream. The pain gets unbearable and this is even with being on the strongest painkiller available with 24/7 release as well as taking extra painkillers for breakthrough pain.
I have to lay down and generally rest for over 42 hours unable to do even less than I can do normally purely because a stream takes so much from me and causes so much pain and extra fatigue. I never let this show on stream.
I don’t play games outside of streaming either as it drains my energy so much and causes my pain to worsen so I do it just for streams.
I get headaches or migraines after most streams, and every stream causes my pain and fatigue to worsen dramatically.
I can’t do all the things that some other streamers do such as spending time networking, watching other streams and things like that as I physically can’t! When I am not streaming I am recovering and that is usually in bed and not on my computer.
For anyone that thinks I am not doing as much as I should be to grow, then they clearly don’t realise what a state I am in during and after a stream.
I put my heart and soul into each stream and try to not let my pain and fatigue show. I want to grow and have a small community but it is very hard.
You wouldn’t know anything was wrong with me watching a stream as I try to hide it as to not put people off watching as I know some won’t even watch me as I am chronically ill.
I may have to cancel streams if my health is bad or if I have a doctor/hospital appointment, but I always try to avoid cancelling unless I really have to. I try my best not to and if I do, I post it on Twitter, Twitch schedule and Discord.
I stream as much as I physically can do, so do not assume that I am being lazy or just not putting enough effort in, as I use all my energy for a few days for one stream and suffer severe pain just from streaming.
Even though I don’t stream every day, this is a full-time job to me as I have to have time to recover in-between streams.
I am unable to work due to my health, so this is my only job and sadly only way to earn any income although I don’t ever require any donations or subs, they completely optional and voluntary. If you do sub, cheer or donate, please know that it is incredibly appreciated and very helpful so I can get food without struggling and things like that.
I am very transparent about my income and even have how many subs I have public here so you can see how little I get a month so can’t even withdraw it until I hit $100 which is hard when you have just a few subs a month. I do NOT expect anyone to sub though and you should take care of yourself first. Don’t sub if you can’t afford to.
Here are my major health issues, although I also have a quite a few others too!:
- Chronic pain means I am in severe pain 24/7 and cannot walk far or stand long as the pain gets unbearable.
I am on the strongest painkiller available which is an opioid in a patch format that I change every few days and I also have another very strong opioid painkiller for breakthrough pain as well as other things for pain and to help the side effects I sadly suffer. They also make my chronic fatigue much worse as they add to the sleepiness effect.
I never have no pain. I am in severe pain all the time.
I have unbearable pain without the pain patches or after moving which is horrific. I spend my life with just a bit less than that with the pain patches which are a lifesaver as the pain is unbearable without them. They won’t work forever and I will struggle when they stop working as I can’t get the painkiller that helps me a lot on prescription unless I go private which I can’t afford to do.
The dose is very high as the pain is so bad. I don’t even get full relief from the painkillers, it just takes the edge off and enables me to not be bedbound, but without them is unbearable.
The pain is constant extreme pain even with the painkillers! Without the painkillers, I used to lay in bed unable to move or sleep, and in tears and screaming with the pain constantly.
The pain is like you are being hit with a sledgehammer all the time all over. Torture.
My pain is an horrific constant pain that does not ever go away even for a second. I only have bad and worse days and I never have good days.
I can barely move my arms and most of the time I have withdrawals between painkiller doses due to my skin being so cold all the time from the house being so cold and it being England so it is always cold. Even when I am warm (which is only above about 24c which never happens here), my skin is still cold so the patches don’t release as much as they should do I get withdrawals.
I developed pain in pretty much every area of my body and have a lot of stiffness and weakness as well. Every day is horrific. - Chronic fatigue means I am extremely fatigued constantly. I sleep 11 hours a night and still am severely fatigued, any less sleep makes it worse. It takes me an hour to get out of bed as it is so hard to wake up, plus the pain.
Sleep never makes me feel refreshed and the slightest thing makes me even more exhausted. The painkillers add to the fatigue and make me more sleepy.
When I get up, I am still so tired I can fall asleep again in my chair throughout the day. I often go to bed to nap during the day. I struggle to keep my eyes open all day long.
It is not just tired, it is extremely exhausted and fatigued, so sleepy that you can barely keep your eyes open and every slight movement drains even more of your energy.
Everything I do takes a massive hit on my fatigue, from things that most find simple like talking, typing, getting up, moving etc.
It feels like I have run a marathon daily and haven’t slept in weeks, and I feel like that every single day! - I have Sciatica/Piriformis (doctors don’t bother to do any tests here!), which makes my buttocks hurt severely all the time I am sitting, and it runs down my legs. I am unable to move around due to the chronic pain and chronic fatigue so I spend all my time in my chair or in bed due to the severity. Just sitting causes severe pain and the painkillers don’t help it. There is no cure for this either.
- My migraines are very severe, often lasting many days which are so severe where I can’t do much but lay in bed plus they make me vomit severely. My usual anti-nausea medication doesn’t do a thing for them and no painkillers help. They make me lay in bed daily in a dark room until it is over.
I also have lots of headaches as well as the migraines. I often have one every day.
Then the 4 pending positive autoimmune tests as of November 2020 so I am hoping I get diagnosed for these which is hard as doctors don’t always want to diagnose and don’t do tests and neither does mine! (as it costs money they won’t spend)
I also have a blog on my Ko-fi (where you can also donate if you like)
If you wish to support me, you can in so many ways, some free and some paid to help me financially. Full list here